Imagine me snapping my fingers at the end of that statement. Well, it was an interesting weekend, to say the least.

Here is the readers digest version:

Saturday -
Went to work, like normal. My precious car started acting a little funny on deliveries as the night drew on. Sometimes, when I would step on the gas, my car would make a ‘Vrroom-Vrroom’ sound like it was trying to go forward, but the car would not go forward. It only happened when I came to a complete start and then put my foot on the gas to move forward after the complete stop.

Around 11PM on Saturday night, I’m taking a delivery to College Avenue, the main east-west street going through town. I’m at a stop light, and all of a sudden my car goes something like this:

“Putt…Puttt…”

And then nothing - it died! I got it started back up, but it would no longer respond to the gas pedal and just would sometimes jerk forward to above 10 mph.

Needless to say after going back to work and tell them that I literally couldn’t work anymore, they let me off to try and coax my car to getting back to my apartment building.

Sunday -
Dad came over and took a look at my car. He took the dip-stick out of the transmission and asked if I had put any transmission fluid in it. My immediate response was:

“What’s that?”

So, NO, in other words. He cleaned off the stick and took another dip into the transmission, but I still didn’t see what he was getting at.

“Jillian you have no transmission fluid!” He says, frowning.

“That’s bad, right?” I ask stupidly. My father laughs at me.

“Oh yes, very bad,” He said. He brought along a quart with him (you never know when you are going to need transmission fluid, I guess), so after making a makeshift funnel out of a piece of paper, we poured in the quart of fluid but STILL nothing showed on the dip-stick.

So, I went and bought another one from the gas station (I drove my fathers’ car there).

After we poured in a second quart of fluid, the level rose a bit to the ‘normal’ part on the stick. Then, my father took my car back with him and I’m stuck with his car.

“No delivering pizzas in my car,” My father said sternly.

“Of course not,” I said, but I had my fingers crossed behind my back so does it count? I THINK NOT.

I told my father that I don’t have work until Wednesday or Thursday at Dominos - maybe I should have told him I have work on TUESDAY to make him get me my car fixed faster?

Needless to say it was NOT A GOOD WEEKEND.

A few days ago (read: Tuesday) - I was really not feeling very well and my cough was getting a lot worse.

So, I did what any normal person would do, and I went to Dairy Queen. Ice Cream can solve anything, trust me.

Actually, I did go to Dairy Queen that day, but I also went to the Doctor. I dislike doctors intensely - they are scary with their sterile white walls and tiny rooms where you sit on a hard metal bed waiting for the doctor to show up, probe you in inappropriate places, and then leave again without a word. PLEASE SIR CAN I HAVE ANOTHER -

Needless to say I don’t like going to the doctor unless it is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. And this was, because, well, my ears were hurting when I coughed. Not a “normal” combination, I would say.

The doctor came in and I thought that she had no eyebrows they were almost completely disappeared into her hairline as she stared at my chart.

“Hmmmm,” Was all she said. I hate waiting in suspense; why do doctors have to be so dramatic? It’s almost as if at any moment she is going to blurt out something like YOU HAVE RABIES and then run screaming from the room.

Maybe it’s just me.

“Yes?” I asked politely.

“Your blood pressure is really, really high today,” She said, flipping the chart and frowning. “It’s almost at 150!”

“I see,” I say, not really ’seeing’. She could have said YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE IS AT 1,342! and I probably would have said the same thing.

“Are you on any medications?” She asks, looking at me.

“Yes, Muscinex,” I answer promptly. I almost said ‘Yes, I’m on SPEEEEEDDDDDD’, but I saw that trap like a clever mouse.

Basically she told me that one of the rare side effects of Muscinex can affect particularly young adults is high blood pressure, and then she bitched slapped me and told me to stop taking it.

So I did.

She took a look in my ears, and told me that I have Bronchitis. I do a double take at her.

“Wait, you looked in my ears and said I have bronchitis?” I asked, wondering what was going to come next - was she going to look up my nose and decide that I have vaginal — nevermind…

“No,” She says, chuckling at her own private joke, “I know by your cough that you have bronchitis and by listening to your lungs.”

“I see,” I say, once again not really ’seeing’ - did I mention I hate doctors?

“I looked in your ears and found that you are very close to having an ear infection, one of your ear drums is pushed in a lot further than the other one.”

Basically this causes some sort of equilibrium unbalance or something, which causes the cough to get worse and worse and eventually made my ears hurt. She said that if I waited probably any longer I would have a very painful ear infection by now.

So, now I’m on drugs. Very good drugs, I might add. I know they are good drugs not because the doctor told me, but because one of the side effects of the drugs might be HEARING LOSS. The doctor warned me to take them at night because they MIGHT cause drowsiness within the first few hours of taking them.

I took them on Tuesday night, and saw that “The Fugitive” was on TBS. So, I was like “Well, I’ll just lay down a bit and watch this movie for an hour and then get up and do some homework”. It was only 9PM, after all, right?

WRONG.

Next thing I know it’s 4 in the morning, I wake up, I’m still in my day clothes, my light is on in my room, my television is blaring and the credits are rolling and I’m yelling out WHAT HAPPENED TO HARRISON FORD?! But of course I’ve already seen this movie, and anyways it is HARRISON FORD! He has to win and get all the hot babes at the end. So I turned off the tv and went back to sleep and woke up at ONE PM the next day.

Definitely missed Wednesday’s class - oops.

Good drugs - I did feel a little high this morning though like I was suffering from a bad hangover. Probably because I took a combination of the new drugs AND cough medicine (NyQuil). Oops. I’m surprised I’m not shouting something like DUDE, WHERE’S THE OREOS?