So this morning I woke up at 6 am, and I realized that I was a POPSICLE. Since it was day three with no heat, I called my WONDERFUL Apartment Complex people. The following conversation ensues:

“Apartments this is Punkass.” (Not his real name)

“Yeah hi Punkass, I called you guys a few days ago about my heat being out - I think I talked to you actually.”

“No, probably not.”

“Uh-huh…um…anyways my heat is still broken.”

“They haven’t been to fix it?”

“No,” I say while HUDDLED under the electric blanket. “I feel like a prisoner in my own apartment!”

“Are you sure they haven’t fixed it? The temperature is set above the degree currently in the apartment, right?” He says, and I can practically hear him rolling his eyes.

“Yes, it’s set above the temperature currently in the apartment,” I deadpan.

“And it’s still not warm at all?”

“Do I NEED to paint you a picture?!” Is what I wanted to say.

“Yes, it’s about 53 degrees in my apartment, I need my heat fixed as soon as possible,” I say as calmly as I can muster at 8 in the morning.

“Well we’re really backed up, I’m not sure if we can get to you today…” He says slowly, stretching out the pain before me.

“Well how about I just hire my own damn mechanic Mister…Punkass was it? And I’ll send you the bill then?” I say, storming out into the kitchen to find my phonebook. I hang up a few minutes later after Mr. Punkass tells me that SUDDENLY they have an opening to have a mechanic come over to my apartment today.

Not TEN MINUTES later:

Knock knock knock ding-dong ding-dong.

Someone at the door. (I wonder who it is)

“Someone call for a mechanic?” A large energetic guy squeezes himself into my apartment, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Just finished getting some air out of apartment fifteen’s heater, and I figured I would pop in.”

“You guys work fast,” I say, trying my best not to smile. I fail.

“Well, yeah,” He finishes lamely, and walks over to my heater. He looks up from the floor to me, and adds quietly as if someone has their ear pressed against the door, “Did you really threaten to call another mechanic and send the bill to the apartment complex?”

“Uh-huh,” I’m slightly surprised that he knows this information, and it must have shown on my face.

“Uh-huh,” He echoes, smiling broadly and turning back to my heater. “Good for you.”

About 15 minutes later I need to leave for class and he is still in my apartment.

“I need to leave now, but just lock it up when you’re through please?”

“Of course ma’am; I can use a cup to drain this water?” He asks, pointing to the plastic cups on top of my fridge. I take the cups down and tell him to use as many as he needs.

When I got back to my apartment today after being at class all day, the below is sound documentation of what I found in my sink.

PS. Sorry about the Comments, they are being really stupid and so I just removed them temporarily until I can get my blog and the Wordpress comments to work in harmony

Let me give you the visual:

I come home after being gone at a wedding with my parents all weekend. I’m tired, and for some reason I’m singing “You gotta’ feel it…IT’S ELECTRIC! (boogie-oogie-oogie)”

Welcome to my world.

I get back to my apartment, and after unpacking everything, I’m wondering to myself: Why am I still wearing my JACKET?! I go out into the living room, and my thermostat looks like this:

The bottom number, which is hovering around ‘60′, is the temperature in the apartment. The top number, which is set at ‘72′, is the temperature my apartment is SUPPOSED to be at. For my next stunt, I am going to write a very STRONGLY worded letter to my apartment complex if I don’t get heat soon. (Cracks Knuckles)

When my roommate Rochelle left, she bequeathed to me a portable heater that she used when we first moved into the apartment, and during those few months I was her roommate, we were having what can only be described as: “temperature discrepancies”. Rochelle liked the temperature of the apartment to be set at the temperature of the SUN, while I liked it more along the lines of the temperature of a warm sunny island with a cool breeze.

Let’s take a moment out to have a Word of the day.

Today’s word is: Bequeathed. This just goes to show that I read ENTIRELY too much. ‘Nuff said.

So, now I pulled the heater into my room and shut my door, and whenever I want to venture outside of my room, to say, the KITCHEN - I put on my coat, pants, hat, gloves AND snow boots, and venture out like some sort of weird germophobic person.

Oh and to also heat up my room, I have turned on my electric blanket -

And if you are wondering, that “H” does not, in fact, stand for ‘High’, but instead it stands for “HOTTER THAN HELL ON THE SUN WRAPPED IN FIRE…and BACON”

I added the bacon part.