So, I thought I had all of the pictures from this trip, but dammit Internet I have a confession to make: I forgot about Lauren’s pictures! I figured I didn’t include NEARLY enough ridiculous pictures of myself, so below is an assortment of the best of the worst pictures of myself. Except for one, and I didn’t include it.

Now, before I start, I would just like to say that I can neither confirm nor deny the involvement of tequila in any and all of the below pictures.

Click on any picture to enlarge it

As Lauren and I were walking along the beach, we came across a HUGE slab of wood jutting up from the sand. It looks like a log so I hopped up on it and walked across it heal-to-toe, saying in a dramatically slurred voice: “No ossifer, I am nooooo drinky”

I would like to note here that although the temperature of the Bahamas was about 80 degrees the entire time we were there, the ocean temperature was about FIFTY degrees. Although Lauren dared me to run into the ocean multiple times because she wanted a pictures, I said that pretending to run to the ocean would have to do. Thus, the above picture was born, and I so caption it: “TO THE OCEAN, Batman!”

Alright, alright, I’ll admit that I lied a bit in my introduction. This is one of the best pictures that Lauren took of me during this trip, annddd I had to include it so that you know and understand that we really act normal. Sometimes. Okay, so right after that pictures we took this one:

In this one I am appropriately looking like “WHERE IN THE HELL IS MY CAMERA?!”. Because it was really bright when I took that picture and really windy so we were both caught off-guard. Ah, Bahamas, I will miss you!

And last but not least I have quite possibly the best movie I have ever recorded. Below is the exact transcript of the 10-second movie if you can’t hear what we are saying.

Me: (Quoting Lauren) “I don’t care what Obama eats, as long as it’s not people”

Lauren: “I don’t…As long as it’s not people.”

Me: “We’re watching CNN, the end”

So, I’m BACK! Did you miss me? Awwwww - I missed you, too! Let’s just say I have not been sober for a whole week yet, if that tells you any sort of hint as to how the trip was. Now I feel like I’m in permanent hangover-mode, coupled with slight jet-lag, I feel like I’m about to go to sleep right now, so bear with me if you will.

One last thing before I get started: you can see all of these pictures plus a LOT more by viewing my Flickr account. Click here to view the pictures. Alright, let’s do the pictures already!

First of all I have to say that this trip was really fun. The hotel was fun, the open bar was fun, the beach was fun, visiting other islands was fun, and did I mention that there is an OPEN BAR?! No? Let me repeat that: OPEN BAR WAS FUN. That, and you could pretty much go wherever you want with a Pina Colada/Daquiri/Miami Vice/whatever-drink-you-want and take it to the beach, walk to another hotel, etc.

So this first picture is of people, driving. What is wrong with this picture, you might ask? The people are driving on the OPPOSITE side of the road! After about getting run over about 100 times because I looked left, then right instead of over then back (also known as right, then left) - I realized that driving on that side of the road actually makes sense.

Okay, if anyone goes down to the Bahamas, the FIRST place you need to go is to the Fish Fry. That fish was so fresh it was practically still flapping about when it was set in front of me. Wow, lame joke - did I mention I need more sleep?

This is outside our window, and the only part you can’t see just off to the right of the picture is the pool bar, and up a flight of steps off the left side of the frame is a much larger bar if you wanted to sit inside and drink. Not that I did any drinking. Nope, none. Am I blushing yet?

Next stop is the zoo. You notice the caged Flamingos in the background there? And then the flamingos just out in the open there in front? Yeah. NO CAGES. The caging laws for zoos seemed to be very relaxed down in the Bahamas, and the first real shocker to Lauren and I happened when we entered the zoo to see a GIANT boar just lying across the path in the shade (Click here for that picture) . Needless to say we took a detour down another path, and then we realized that most of the not-dangerous animals were just out in the open, like the above flamingos and the boar.

I know you can’t really see it properly, but the fish in that photograph are about 3 feet long and about a foot deep. Did I mention that they are CHILDREN fish? Little babies. Babies that can eat you alive. The tour guide said that when those fish are fully grown, they are so large that they can’t move from the bottom of the ocean and just sit there. Divers mistake them for caves and swim inside their mouths, but those fish are vegetarians so they throw the divers back up and demand a bottle of Chianti and a salad, I guess.

Next comes the Pirate Museum. I know I’m only including one picture from each place, but we went to so many places I can’t include pictures from everything! This is probably the coolest picture I took in this museum. What you are looking at is actually through a giant picture frame, and is set up in 3-D format in a setting with a fake pirate on a beach in the foreground and a sunset in the back. Next to it is a little plaque explaining about the most used punishment for pirates called “marooning“.

I figured I would include the most ridiculous picture of myself I could find in my collection, and this one pretty much tops the cake. This was after we went snorkeling, and I lost my hairtie in 12 feet of ocean water. When I tried to dive down to find it a school of fish went by my hand and it was gone. They took us to where the school of fish were feeding and we got to feed them as well on that trip.

The above picture is when we went to the island to dock for a bit and rest after all of that swimming around and playing with the fish. I found a bunch of little crabs clinging to the rock so I scooped them up and what you are seeing there is the result of hunger after swimming, apparently. My face is contorted into what can only be described as “I AM GOING TO EAT YOU; RUNNNNNNNNNN!!!!”

I believe that sums up my trip very nicely, oh yeah and again in case you didn’t read the message at the top of this post, then might I point you on over to the rest of my pictures on my Flickr account.